Video Games: A Warlock in San Antonio Part 3
by Katerina Riley
Summary: Shit, this was getting way too serious. All TC wanted was a relaxing day with his not-Toffer best friend. A day where they play video games, eat all the bad food that their bellies allow, and not think about all the shit that's going on in their lives./reincarnation AU, Merlin/Gwaine bonding


**Video Games**

"Do you think you'll ever find more?"

Inwardly, TC cringes. He hadn't meant to blurt that out loud, but playing video games tended to lower the barrier between his thoughts and his mouth. Not that it was very high in the first place.

"Crystals? Damn, I hope so, I'm running out," Merlin said, twisting his body as if it would help his onscreen character move better. "Fuck, it killed me."

Seconds later, TC's character was also destroyed. They were both respawned to the last save point.

"That's…not what I meant." He hesitated, but decided that it was too late now and he might as well go all in. "Do you think you'll ever find the rest of us. Reincarnations I mean. Percival and Lance and Gwen…" He didn't say Arthur's name. He knew better.

"Oh." Merlin lowered his controller, finger twitching slightly. "I… Well, I hope so. I want to," he said quietly.

TC nodded. "Yeah. Do you," he cleared his throat. "I can't be the only one. Right now. Can I?"

Merlin's character died again, this time by walking off a cliff. "I… Well, I think you are. Right now. The only one."

Shit, this was getting way too serious. All TC wanted was a relaxing day with his not-Toffer best friend. A day where they play video games, eat all the bad food that their bellies allow, and not think about all the shit that's going on in their lives. At least for Merlin, the shit going on in his life currently is just grading students' essays on something historical. Well, that and the ever-present searching for Arthur, but that one's a given.

"Sorry, I didn't… I don't want to talk about stuff like that. Not today," TC whispered, wishing he could take it back.

"I searched for you. All of you. Any of you. Searched for centuries," Merlin continued, as if he never heard TC's apology. His eyes looked blankly in front of him, where his respawned character stood, waiting to be told to move. "I had no idea how to find you. Still don't, but that day… It was a total accident. You were there, and I just couldn't stop walking. _You_ were _there_. Right in front of me. I had to know if you were really… And then when I touched you, your eyes flashed gold and I could see everything you did." He blinked a few times, a rue smile stretching on his lips. "You ran faster than Lancelot did whenever he saw Gwen alone in the marketplace."

"Oh, _gods_!" The memories of Lancelot's trailed off sentences and flushed face emerged quietly in TC's mind. His laughter was not so quiet. "The poor man was practically oozing love for that woman. Not that I could blame him."

"No," Merlin agreed when he could finally stop laughing and take a breath.

They laughed for a few more minutes.

"It's a shame they never could get married."

TC didn't voice why. They both knew why. Because Lancelot died too young. (They all did.) Because Arthur and Gwen were in love. (Or at least, in like with the other and didn't realize the difference.) Because life sucks. (And still does.)

"Arthur loved her," Merlin said quietly. "And she loved him back too. Lancelot knew this."

For several minutes, TC wondered if he should say anything. They were already this far down, might as well go deeper.

"You know… Arthur loved you too."

Merlin snorted quietly. "That was different. We were friends."

"It seemed to me that…that his love…your love…" _Shit, how was he supposed to say this?_ "It was deeper than just friends. Deeper than his and Gwen's even…"

He watched Merlin, trying to gauge his reaction. Was he going to far? Was he not going far enough?

"The Knights and I… We'd talk about it sometimes. How you two…"

"I know." Merlin's shoulders were slumped, and TC could see something rolling down his face. "I know how it could look. I know how I felt. It took me a while, but… _I know_. We were two sides of the same coin. Still, Arthur… Arthur loved Gwen. I don't think he realized how…"

TC could fill in the gap that Merlin left unnamed. _How their love was more out of sudden friendship and defying his father than romance and attraction._

But he also knew other ways Merlin could've ended his sentence, whether he wanted to admit it or not. _How much I loved him. How much he loved me. How much we were already together even though we weren't._

"He loved Gwen. That's that," Merlin finished.

They stayed silent, staring at their avatars. TC wanted to say that when Arthur was found, it would be better. He wanted to say that they could start again, start better this time. The times are much more accepting of it every passing day.

But he knew better than to say that.

He remembered when he was sobering Merlin up, the secrets that spilled from his fevered lips. TC isn't sure if Merlin even recalls the confessions he whispered. How terrified he is. How lonely. How much he misses Arthur. Loves Arthur. How grateful he is to find TC. How scared he is of losing him. How much he feels and how little he doesn't.

He remembered what Merlin had sobbed onto his chest, when he'd erased Gwaine's memory and sent him back to the right time. Those secrets he knew he spilled, at least.

"Want more chips?" Merlin finally asked, voice soft, but not a whisper.

"Sure." He matched Merlin's pitch. "Some more beer too?"

With an eyeroll, Merlin's care-free attitude was back. "You've got legs, you lazy ass. Go open the fridge yourself."

Groaning, TC got up to go to the kitchen, but he couldn't help but smile as he walked. Things would be okay. He and Merlin, he and Jordan… And he knew they'd find more. Maybe not today. Maybe not next year. But somehow, the others would appear. They would.

TC had to believe.

He had to smile.

He had to keep Merlin going.

If he didn't, then nothing would stop Merlin from falling back down that dark hole, where he numbed himself with liquid and needles and pills.

So, TC would believe and hope.

And play video games until the time came.


End file.
